today i felt like i was acting out the role of my favorite comedian of all time, his majesty, President George “dub’ya” Bush.
my day was quite stable and i did not experience the fluctuations and mood swings of the previous couple of days. i spent the day at a median level of presence and mindfulness. and on the whole i might go on to describe the day as having been pretty peaceful. nevertheless, there were several issues that were going on in my mind that were quite destructive to the whole “holding mindfulness” process.
firstly, i was pretty distracted. i woke up again with a head full of thoughts. i was feeling very anxious because my university exam results are supposed to be announced sometime this week and i realized that i had spent the whole night dreaming about them. first thing i did after i woke up was rush to my computer to check if they had been posted. they were not yet announced. but the anxiety remained with me, in mild degree, throughout the rest of the day. but my background positive mood helped me accept the restlessness of my mind. it also helped make my Efforts at remaining present easier and more successful. i realized how important and influential the overall emotional atmosphere of the mind/heart is to practicing mindfulness. in the last couple of days, when i was feeling pretty down, it was very hard to stay mindful. in those moods, i would feel an extraordinary pull towards drama and negative thoughts and away from the present moment. but today no such thing happened. even though i was quite distracted, it was much easier to be mindful due to my generally peaceful mood.
one other issue that was quite destructive to mindfulness was my inability to live up to my resolve – which i took only yesterday. i had resolved to keep my toxic mouth shut until i was more mature and until my mind had been disciplined. spontaneous ejaculations of the tongue persisted and i was helpless against them. i guess it is probably due to the distracted nature of my mind today and the fact that i was not fully mindful but only relatively so. but Now i’m just making excuses for myself.
today is bushday because, like my good friend “dub’ya,” i practiced Wrong Speech today. i, like bush, slaughtered my mind through verbalizing the myriad stupidities that bubble on the surface. but it’s okay though, the good vibes of the day are pretty pervasive and so i’m still making my Right Efforts. i hope to be more succesful from Now on, however, with this semi-vow of silence of mine.
“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.”