today i learned how to forgive the moment for being.
woke up, and did not meditate. however, these past two days i have been feeling as though the entire day is one running meditation. i have been present for the majority of the day. i have been applying Right Effort quite successfully. on the whole, i had quite a happy day.
for the major part of today, a notable quotation from Jesus has been repeating itself in my head. it was the quote that went something like this: “forgive them, for they know not what they do” speaking about the people who were torturing him and about to crucify him. this struck me as intensely pure. this kind of forgiveness is alien to me. but the idea remained in the back of my mind throughout the day.
coming back from a family outing, we got stuck in a horrific traffic jam that kept us crawling at a snail’s pace for nearly three hours. for the first hour and a half of this jam, i was very present and feeling very happy. however, the presence started to fade as i began to allow myself to forget about the application of Right Effort. thus, i sank back into resistance and fighting the present moment and getting angry and frustrated and developed an agonizing headache and stomachache. this lasted for approximately half an hour, after which, i remembered the quote from Jesus and quickly remembered that i must forgive. at this i rejuvenated the phrase “let it be” and this helped massively. with this i re-applied Right Effort and sank back into my seat paying attention simply to my breathing in the present moment. a few minutes later and i was back in a happy and buoyant zone where nothing could affect me and remained this way for the duration of the traffic jam.
during my drop from grace, i developed anger, aimed at the traffic, aimed at my dad (aversion to his driving returned), aimed at my little sister who could not stay put and kept jumping around and bothering everyone, aimed at the radio blasting into my ears giving me a headache, and aimed at the present moment in all its tremendous nuisances. however, when i though about Jesus, it all cleared and became as pure and clear as the sky in the picture above. i forgave all those sources of trouble and recognized that the anger came from inside me. instantly i was reborn again and i was flooded with love for all those people and things i had previously been angry at. this made me very happy and relieved me and i felt like i had won a major victory in the battle for my liberation. this was a great stepping stone.
this picture really has almost nothing to do with forgiveness but i though it was a nice picture and it has one important meaning. the earth (or the road) represents the path i must walk. the ocean, in all its magnificent and majestic breadth, represents freedom and liberation. and the sky represents the buoyant and clarified state of mind one experiences when one is as light as a feather and as present as a Buddha.
“Hatred does not cease by hatred, but only by love; this is the eternal rule.”